lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
