lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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