Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
