i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
