I must be too annoying 4 u.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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