Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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