shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
