glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize