I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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