they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
