Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize