i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
