He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
