Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
