I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
