I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Terrible idea I love it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
