dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
