addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize