I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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