O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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