you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
