you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
