Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
