his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
