Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
