Dual....:-)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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