There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
