i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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