Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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