I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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