Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
