I'm so fucking centered right now
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
