you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
