Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
