Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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