how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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