We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
