why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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