Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
