:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
