if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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