I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
