The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
