Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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