Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think I sprained my soul last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
