the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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