I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
