i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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