I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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