just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize