So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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