Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
