so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just threw up on my dentist
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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