i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
