The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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