I don't usually arrange sex via text message
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
