I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want to make out with him forever
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
