are you still at the devil's house?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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