Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
