just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
