Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize