i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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