i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
