Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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