i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
