so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
