after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
