Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
