I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
