Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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