Please, let me fuck your mom
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
