Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my liver is dry heaving
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
