wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize