I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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