You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
