im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
