can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
