Your mouth is God's brothel.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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