just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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