its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
