Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He has the fingertips of a God
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
