I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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