i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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