My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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