this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
