Don't you send me to vm
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize