The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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