as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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