We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
we're so committed to being not committed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize