he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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