WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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