I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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