Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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