We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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