Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
