You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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