I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
