The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
