Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
