He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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