I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
