butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
