When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
