It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
