God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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