if i can run in heels then i can drive
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
