I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's even glitter on my cock...
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