So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
