I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
