I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
