my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pooping to opera.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
