guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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