Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
