He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
