I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize