I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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