this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize