we have pet lesbian snakes
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you had me at cake vodka
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This baby is an asshole
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
