i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
