Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
