apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize